How to drown in the ocean.

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A funny post for ocean awareness and that anyone can drown in the ocean if they try really hard! Here is a list of things people have been doing to achieve perfect results, you are some who does these things or planning to do, please read on. Below you will find a few tips on how to effectively and successfully drown in the ocean. (for how not to drown in the ocean please click here).

DISCLAIMER : The producers of this content do not recommend people to drown or indulge in any dangerous water activity. This is only a reverse psychology propaganda to create awareness on ocean safety in public interest of beach goers. No humans or animals were harmed while making this content.

Things marked* are mandatory.

STEP 1: Choose your spot* – You don’t want anyone sabotaging your drowning plan, do you? So drive away from the crowded beaches and pick one which is deserted and empty. Preferably one with a sign saying Don’t enter the water or a red flag mounted on a stick.

Chennai Beach Drown
Drowning Sign Board

STEP 2: Ignore the sign boards*: Look for words like Caution, warning, even better, Dangerous! These words and boards are part of a huge conspiracy to spoil your plans of drowning, don’t fall for it. Ignore, ignore.

 

STEP 3: Jump*– Whenever you see a body of water that you aren’t familiar with the first thing you gotta do is Jump in! And figure out the rest later.

STEP 3.1:Bet on your shallow instinct*. Remember the thought you have when you see the sea or a quarry,  “ I have a feeling it’s not deep” You are right! These water bodies are flat and shallow as hell, all the deep sea diving videos you have seen are all work of imagination of Hollywood CG artists. So go take walk in the sea.

 

STEP 4: Three is a company (Optional): If you are a horrible swimmer, gather along two other friends with similar skills. So when you are drowning, they will also bravely join you in the guise of coming to your rescue.

 

STEP 5: Pre workout drink****: Alcohol helps. Always drink on the beach before drowning. When we say drink we don’t mean a glass of Merlot or Sauvignon Cabernet, we mean serious stuff, like cheap rum (minimum 3 large), whiskey (minimum of a quarter bottle) or if you are a beer person 3 beers or more. Oh yes, munch on those munchees as much as you can. All this will help in faster dehydration and horrible muscle coordination which is very essential to drowning. Also don’t forget to break the bottle on the beach, this will please the sea god to accept your human sacrifice, also other beach goers will step on your broken glass and curse you and wish you die, tease some girls on the beach and so on, you need to get whatever bad karma you can get on your side, it helps.

 

Drown in Chennai
Beach Drowning

Panic* – For a person to drown panic is your best option. just panic life you life depends on it. There is should be no trace of hope in your mind or face. Think of sharks, jellyfish what ever that will help you panic better.

 

Be Independent– Whenever you feel yourself drowning, remember it’s always good to be independent and never ask for help. You got yourself into that situation, now get yourself out!

 

Explore*– Exploration is a great activity. Pack a few items and head out. Indulging in activities alone is a great deal of adventure. Go swimming alone for example.

 

Forget personal limits- If think you can do it. Please go ahead and do it. Unless you try swimming in the ocean, you wouldn’t know if you can.

 

Beat the buoyancy*– You studied in physics that salt water is denser and hence you will float more,  it’s true. Now you need to work around it. Keep your body as still as possible and as vertical as possible this will increase your chances of drowning. Do not lie flat on your back or do the back float, then you will float forever against your wishes.

 

Currents***– If you can’t beat it, try harder!- Now say you find yourself in a current that you can’t swim against. Don’t give up, try harder. This will help in speeding up exhaustion and fatigue not to mention you will be getting nowhere, soon you will succeed in your attempt.

 

Remedies for a Hangover– Let’s say you had a heavy night of drinking. Forget the remedies you have read of curing a hangover on the internet. Taking a dip in the ocean is your best way to cure it. The mixed salts in the sea, when taken in, will get rid of your hangover or you once and for all.

 

Dressing up for the occasion*– We all love to look our best. A simple T-shirt and shorts won’t cut it. Denim jeans and a leather jacket for the men, a salwar or saree for the ladies are attires which would look good and be effective in a drowning experience. Remember the more you have on, the faster you’ll go down.

A word from the authors keeping drowning incidents in and around Chennai Beaches:

As a responsible surf school who has been rescuing people from drowning in the sea in Chennai, we know how easy it is to swim in the ocean if you know the right technique and have the right training, We at Bay of Life feel bad when we hear news of people drowning in Chennai beaches. Most of these incidents are self inflicted and out of ignorance or over confidence. We request the readers of this article to share the information and prevent such incidents from occurring again. Beach drownings can be easily avoided, these are more avoidable than motor accidents. Thank you for your time.

For how not to drown in the ocean please click here

To Know more about Ocean check out the following link http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/ocean/